Michael Phelps, An All-American Hero Who Loves Poker, Pot, & Pussy…a.k.a. my kind of Hero

Get this. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps should “get another gold medal for- “LOVE MAKING!” straight from the lips of stripper Theresa White (FYI she’s smoking hot! Google her!). Supposedly our boy of Beijing hit that for 3 hours straight!!

And they said all that bong toking would leave him out of shape.
On top of all that, Phelps been known to be schooled by the master pros @ poker too! Dammmmnn… son!

Now we all seen his secret for success — he be hittin’ that bong like any good ol’ American SOB. Which is dope for the doped. But forrealz tho, I don’t know why they be hatin’ on his multi-tasking skills. Is poker addiction even a bad thing when you get to stackin’ chips real high (while you’re gettin’ high at that) and rubbin’ elbows amongst the high stakes tables? I heard he be switchin’ his game over to online poker rooms too so that means my odds of running into my new idol is THAT much better now!
Thanks Mike, without you, I never thought I had a big brother to look up to. But I got one. And he’s American. And all them haters should leave him the MUCK alone!!!!

-Mel

I wrote this originally for http://whatthemuck.tv/blog